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Submitted: August 27, 2011
Image Size: 421 KB
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The Secret Garden Page 16-17by =Pretty-Angel

Cartoons & Comics / Traditional Media / Comics / Pages

Finally a new page! Sorry for the slow updates. I'm super busy recently - gotta write a journal about that. D:

Anyway, not super happy with page 16 but I like Page 17 - introducing Aidrin's room. :3

(Floor plan is still here:

Just in case you got lost. lol)

Also, making up titles for scientific books in fantasy is fun. XD

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~Archaes8 Aug 30, 2011 Student Digital Artist

Lady Breanna eh? The plot thickens! I think. o_o;

=Pretty-Angel Aug 30, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

Haha, yes, though very subtle. It's one of the things that'll be important later on.

~Archaes8 Aug 31, 2011 Student Digital Artist

*Makes mental note*

=Pretty-Angel Aug 31, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

=Asatira Aug 27, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

A little suggestion for the dialogue in the last three panels of p. 1. Most of the time, the dialogue is read in respect to the panels, but you have them responding to each other. I first read it so Moira said everything in her panel, then read the other two panels. It went like:
"Sleep well. Don't stay up too long. Lady Breanna will visit us tomorrow."
"Good night, Moira. Don't remind me."

It might help to have the second speaker's bubble overlap the panel borders, and have Moira's response overlap below it, it might help resolve who's speaking first and such. Otherwise, you may want to reconsider how you have the panels composed.

=Pretty-Angel Aug 27, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

Yes, that pretty much sums up what's bugging me about the page. I definitely have to fix that for the final page. Thanks a lot for your suggestions! :3

=Asatira Aug 27, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

Hey, no problem! Glad to be your informal editor.

=Pretty-Angel Aug 27, 2011 Professional Digital Artist

I think when I get to the final pages and launch a website all my informal editors will get a special credit or something. :3

~JesnCin Aug 27, 2011 Student Digital Artist

Gosh Aidrin, that sounds soooo interesting D:
haha XD Well it looks like we have some other characters being hinted into the story :3 "Lady Breanna" hmmm
I-I can't help thinking every panel with Gwen's face in it is my favorite :>

Also pff "scientific books" more like "maaaaagical books"